Today I was super lazy. I did write my anthro paper, but I also watched a movie and the wings game and loads of bad tv. It's all good it was fun.

So last night mathieu finally showed us the famous hilton head video. all i have to say is it was absolutely everything promised to us. i never knew people could be so funny (stupid too).
Highlights:
Switching Drivers/Shots in back
Beer Cave
Fireworks off the balcony ("Shut up Bill")
Kyle videotaping (peep hole and mirrors, "no f you," Olson throwing up)
Dragging Olson in the blankets

oh man...sooo funny.

So I guess Ryan doesn't like me and all my freaking out was for nothing. I, of course, have come to this conclusion because he said he was getting ready for the night and didnt ask me to go out w/ him or tell me what he was specifically doing. I am super needy. So I'm glad I never allowed myself to consider liking him because I would probably have been disapointed.

Yay for finals coming up.
Yay for Wings game.
Yay for UM beating State yesterday in the worst hockey ever played by any two teams ever ("Both Teams Suck")
Yay for singing "If you can't get into college go to State"
Yay for going to Cali
Yay for going skiing in Charlevoix
Yay for Mathieu going to miss me and me going to miss him!
Yay for CJ slowly getting back to normal

"If you don't stand for anything you'll fall for everything"

Yay for...
Translated into Portuguese by: f.tiger

it's been awhile, for me at least.

i guess that means i've been less moody!

caroline scares me. but i will always love her.

i survived coffee with ryan. it was okay. nothing so great, but he'd be fun to be friends with.

state/UM hockey game tonight GO BLUE!

..we watched the life of david gale last night..are there some things worth dying for?(i think yes)

Compliments of PLCC lindsay
"when the keg has been been kicked, when the liquor's run dry, when we've fallen out of love with that perfect guy. when the party is over, when we're passed out on the floor, when we can't kick ass in bei rut anymore. When the cigs are gone, when there's no weed in the place, when our mascara is running all over our face. when everyone's turned their backs, we still know the deal, we're best friends forever and we keep it real."

***
basically, i got your back. and i know fosho you got mine. clamen <3

hokay.

i've realized that i'm doing to ryan exactly what justin did to me.

"if he wants to talk to me, he'll IM me"

it pissed me off for over a month! i constantly bitched about it. and now...how does that happen?

My only defense is that the situation is completely different. I don't know if I like him, I don't know for sure that he likes me, and I don't know if I'm allowed to like him. Ya. So ya.

And I have such strength..justin imed me, we had a pathetic three line convo..and i let it stand. i didn't say a damn thing more. that never used to happen.

but what's cool..i didn't think of him once all thanksgiving..except that time i saw him online..but that's different.

ya so...what a difference a month makes.

he loves his humane society dog. and he wouldn't want the job unless he'd enjoy it. sound familiar?

"if you do what you love, you'll love what you do."

ps love actually exists

another st marys party? yup.

what cooler than going into the party? if you think sitting in your and car drinking...then u should hang w/ the boys.

well we ended up going to slut mike's house, and he was really nice and it seriously ended up being a girls night--all us girls were there (cept cj)--it was coolish..i was a tad inebriated TROGDORRRR

umm whats up with chin/neck hair...ewwwww...seriously??

well at least we've all realized it...they are OVERRATED..yes we are the ones who overrated them, but at least now we know the truth.

its all good, still love matt. allie..was there a something? i doubt it, but i wanna know :)

kadi and sarah hung out w/ us too...yay they were fun :)

oh man i wish i had a funny quote from the night...hmmm but its all good..i have mytunes :)

oh and nikki knows that ryan and i talk...and hes asking about me..hmmmmm

***

and now im back and already annoyed. and my prolly best friend, is prolly the most tempermental person i have ever met.

and ryan wants to do coffee...and i talked to nikki about it and shes cool w/ it..only its weird, bc every single second im going to have to run to nikki and ask permission...im so freaking mental. i should be happy to have a nice/cute guy liking me...but hes like--not mine..ya know...he's "been done"...i mean it's great to have something else to think about...anything else...but ugh..seriously, cant we just be like friends..and ill bitch about how i dont have a guy...yes i am impossible to please. ugh. ugh. and btw i make fun of everyone!! am i supposed to grant special treatment. digress again..i think the best thing in the world would be for us to hang out and me to realize i only like him as a friend :) ahhhhhhh we'll see.

"you don't ever have to leave your bed"-thanks mom!!

such a fun night

i thought it was going to suck. we were supposed to go to the hockey game..but it ended before we got there...lol..we went to allie's...she is sooo ncie and her friends were cool too!!! haha

awww kyle always remembers my name..aww he blushes..i saw slut mike haha

i love elise for ever! we survived together..and had a fun st marys party day!!

awww molson and i had the most pointless boy talk

i dont wanna chug ever

i sat on kyle..lol thanks

haha driving around aimlessly..i love mathieu!!

haha yay for a fun night muah!

morning after:
"homework
how long will mike and kyle sleep in my basement?"-mathieu
"nice hockey game matt..."-so apparently i said this to matt..hahaha

*i keep remembering funny things i forgot to write down. like how when i was sitting on kyle in the car i told olson i hated him bc he was riding shotgun...and kyle said, rather sarcastically, "oh yeah..i HATE having girls sit on me. i hate you man."...haha oh kyle

This is my reaction writing.

This is my—I didn’t eat enough so I feel shaky—writing

This is my--he called me---the day after the hockey game---thanksgiving day—writing.

This is my—‘i’m actually hanging out with a bunch of people I hardly get to see…I’m going back to school tomorrow—writing.

I am so dumb. I am.

There are sooo many good things to come out of this. There was a this??? Well I didn’t have to involve Nikki…only now I’m sure everyone will know because I told matt and caroline and like everyone…and I’m so dumb. I mean I really don’t get it—at all. What is up with me? Like seriously…yes I get attached super quick..but what the..?

Maybe this will be my—surround myself in English homework—writing.

Happy thanksgiving day---I hate all thanksgiving food.

Go Lions!

..and i wish there was a starbucks open...or a friend online. im still waiting for that--call you at 4am just bc friendship, only i think im too polite for it to exist.

And i saw a movie, that confused me. But there was this one charater--she wanted this guy so bad. And she got him..but then there were extenuating circumstances that were never resolved..anyway it made me think of someone. And how happy i was. and how I smiled..and how yeah..and how i'm dumb...but i mean, it's nice to have-those moments-where you can be happy. even if they are just moments. life is all about the moments.

"And when she says she wants somebody else
I hope you know that she doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and makes a sound
You'll never hear her the way that I do
And when she says she wants someone to love
I hope you know that she doesn't mean you
And when she breaks down and lets you down
I hope you know that she doesn't mean you"
-Howie Day 'She Says'

Sometimes you realize things you never realized.

It's not that i dont want a nice guy. I want a guy who'll stick up for themselves. I want someone who refuses to be pushed around. I want someone who looks up and says "i don't care if everyone belives that..it's wrong."

And I don't just want that with guys-with everyone. I want someone who stands up for what they believe in. I want someone who listens to different POVs, but also vehemently displays theirs. If it makes them 'bad' so be it..it's who they are.

and that's what i want.

and then another st marys boy has to make my night...

ryan-its wrong on soo many levels..ok actually just one. he used to go out w/ nikki..yes he only hinted at asking me to the date party..and although we're hanging out over break...i mean it's not a date. it is not. it could never be..without written approval from nikki of course..but yeah, he's nice cute and it really doesn't matter...well i had a great convo..and hopefully the hockey game isnt tomorrow night :)

i missed my doggie!!

"What Dub-B...What Dub-B"

i think i've forgotten to mention the sean brighton updates...

so i called him friday and saturday nights. and i even left him a voicemail with my screen name. on saturday night he really cheered me up. he didn't do anything in particular..he didn't know i was having a bad night, but just talking to someone who didn't have any idea of anything that has happened..it was refreshing.

also i've never had anything like it. i haven't. i've never loved someone enough to make it hurt..i mean sure i've thought i have..but it's different...especially when its not mutual. wow-he better not hurt me, because-honestly-could i recover...of course...i am strong is that way i dont let things get to me...maybe i won't be able to fully let go-fall in..-hmm....all i know is i wanna experience it in all its glory.

i freak out when 'he' ims me...just think what will happen when 'he' tells me he loves me <3

so he imed me..and i guess he's big partier..not me. and well he left me a message saying that he's coming up earlier and we could maybe meet up...but its just that i don't know him...and when i called i wasnt too nice, not mean, just not overly nice...

well lindz, elise, and marni came with me to drop off the sweatshirt..which was random and there was a guy in my polisci class in the room...it took like 3 secs..the guy was kinda surprised maybe..but yea...maybe i will meet him again someday...and maybe it will turn out that he was right..it was love at first sight.

fav memory:
sean: okay, now you have to choose between me and justin right now
me: (whispering to lindz)justin!!
**********************
I think I want the hurt...like the hurt...b/c w/o it you're never going to know what it feels like to feel love-joy-what it's like to be needed...

in the words of elvis "you were always on my mind"

is it weird that when i imagine a perfect love..it's never perfect. it's very hollywood. i mean things are either going well for awhile-fall apart-and then we reunite stronger than ever...or things are unbelivably terrible, but we come together and have the strongest love ever.

maybe it's subconscious..maybe i don't think i deserve that "perfect love"...maybe i dont think it exists. maybe i really do need a pysch class:)

i freak out when 'he' ims me...just think what will happen when 'he' tells me he loves me <3

"all of this for a bum like me,
beauty only for my eyes to see
and i can see it when she comes
she wants everyone to know
she calls my name, she calls my name
and she never lets me go"BUOS

Happy Birthday CJ!!

She loved the fruit and the pumpkin pie...and matt is soo nice he bought her a sweatshirt..awww!

We had so much fun decorating her room w/ signs..TROGDORRR..haha...Daniel, Melynda, and Kazaa :)

Molson looked at our pics again.

Is it weird that I can see a perfect life in the future. He's adorable b/c he's a vet...he hugs the little puppies and stuff. And we're in WB..bc thats all i really know. But we're super happy..and actually im working too..interesting..Mrs.

going home soon...yay! casey!! im so bad...i forgot to call home this weekend..it's ok ill be there soon enough

..would u rather?

Carry You Dispatch
"someday
I will carry you...

I want to float higher
above waves of electric wires
stare down onto the street
see a drunk with kiln-glazed eyes
tell me about the girl I should meet

someday
I will carry you..."